A Chance Lost
by ChangingTheCircumstances
Summary: Howard met Bucky before he was shipped off. They only knew each other for a short time but sometimes that's all the time you need to fall in love. Will they ever be able to meet again? Begins before the events of the movie and will continue on after it. Howard/Bucky (Howky)
1. A Chance Meeting

**AN: This has been on my computer for a while so I finally decided to upload it. The first chapter of a short story that I'm not sure exactly how long will be. The pairing is Bucky/Howard, one that is extremely underrated but one of my favorites none the less. Enjoy and reviews are greatly appreciated.**

* * *

This wasn't a good idea. Really, this was probably one of the worst ideas that Howard had ever had. You just didn't do this. There was no flirting, not even a suggestive comment, was allowed when talking to someone of the same gender. In some places you were simply shunned and looked down upon but there was always the huge chance of getting beat up as well. Some people had died from just beatings. In other cities you had a different problem; they might throw you in jail.

Granted, the war was going on right now so throwing the gays into jail wasn't exactly top priority but the threat was still there. That and of course, Howard had to think of not just his reputation but his family's and company's as well. Really he didn't want to have to worry about either of those things, he wanted to be himself, but that wasn't Howard's decision.

And yet, after a couple of drinks and a few words, his whole life seemed to be hanging in the balance. Howard didn't even know the guys name who sat next to him and yet he had just thrown out the most obvious innuendo ever.

His entire body was cool and collected on the outside but on the inside fear gripped him like ice. What would happen? Would the man even understand his words? And if he did, what would he do?

However, his fears were taken away when the man replied, "So, your place or mine?" He was probably around Howard's age but had an extremely boyish grin had appeared on his face at that moment.

"I'm at a hotel right now. How about there?" Howard replied. He was nervous of course and still uncertain but he had shut every bit of common sense he had left away. He was going to go through with this.

Howard then began to leave, the man following behind him. Sometimes Howard would quicken his pace a bit but then the other man would catch right up to him until they were side beside. Howard thought the man might end up deciding this was a bad idea and walk away but it seemed that he had done the same as Howard and thrown all sense away.

When they got to the hotel, there weren't many people around which was good. Rumors could start with only a whisper on the wind as proof though of course, these rumors would be true if anyone had ever said anything.

But Howard wasn't really concentrating on things like that. Instead they had just gotten to his hotel room, a suit actually. He opened the door and then closed it behind him, placing the key on a small table that was beside the door. He turned, not really knowing what to expect. However, he wasn't disappointed when the man kissed him.

He was surprised though at the way the kiss felt. It was soft and hard, gentle and rough, friendly and mean, messy and graceful, all at the same time. Howard had never been kissed like this but he liked it and quickly let his fingers go through the man's short, dark hair.

Howard led him to the bedroom, not breaking contact once while cloths moved off as they went. The shoes went off first, making both stumble slightly and Howard to wonder if maybe he had drunk more than he had thought. When they landed on the bed, he could feel the man's smile against his lips, making him smile in turn.

Howard let the man position himself on top of him, all of their cloths were finally off at this point, and he grabbed some lube. Even though he was as hard as hell and softly moaning now, he had to say that he had never gotten someone in bed that liked to be so . . . well it was hard to really find a word for it.

The few guys Howard had been with normally went along with whatever and then left the moment everything was done. Out of the many girls that he had slept with, a lot also went along with everything then usually left. It was usually just hard and rough, something that Howard didn't mind, and that was it.

This guy was certainly rough but he was also gentle as well. He took his time letting his hands softly caress Howard's sides at different points, sometimes allowing his tongue to travel up and down his body. He made Howard really enjoy every little touch, every teasing move, in a way that kept him on edge the entire time.

When Howard came, it wasn't a cry of ecstasy, just a moan/sigh of happiness and satisfaction. When the man pulled out of him, Howard expected him to roll over and either go to sleep or just simply leave. He figured that the man would probably make some snarky comment in between that because he seemed like the type as well.

Yet, Howard was surprised again as the man simply gave him soft, quick, pecks along his face and neck. When he did finally stop, the man rolled over on his side, staring at Howard with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Howard then spoke, deciding that he was curious about the answer to this question if the man was to leave now even though he had the feeling he wouldn't. "Are you always so gentle with your bed partners?" He asked it with a laugh, making the question lighter than he really meant it.

"Only with things that look beautifully fragile," the man replied, also with a laugh. The way he said the answer made it seem like it was meant as a joke but that behind it he really did mean the compliment.

"Well, how about you actually tell me your name before you just go ahead and start complimenting me now."

"You tell me yours first."

"Why me? I asked."

"Yes, but you invited me to bed."

"Fine, I'm Howard. Howard Stark."

The man smiled at that, nodding in a way that suggested he liked that name. "I'm James Barnes but all my friends call me Bucky," he replied.

"I think I'll just call you James," replied Howard. He liked the way that name sounded on his tongue and besides, he figured it probably would sound better if he ever got the chance to moan it out loud.

"Suit yourself," Bucky replied with a shrug of his shoulders. He really didn't care. "Mind if I stay the night, Howard?"

"Not at all," Howard replied. He didn't say it but he liked the way his own name sounded coming out of James' mouth.

Really, if he thought about it, this was all wrong though. He'd probably never see James again, ever, and yet Howard was thinking about him like this was a thing they did on a regular basis. Of course, he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to see James again. So little time had been spent between the two of them and Howard already _really_ liked him.

Sadly, even though he had never really been interested in girls, he just didn't get the chance he did with guys like he did with girls. With guys, you had to be careful, you had to be sure.

Or as Howard had portrayed that night, be completely stupid and put everything on the line.

Still, even though he was pretty young, Howard knew that chasing after strangers, or at the most well known acquaintances, wasn't how he wanted to live the rest of his life. He needed someone and somehow this stranger, James, had weaseled his way into his mind and heart already.

At that point, James was rolling over onto his side, seeming content with where he was when Howard decided to ask, "Any chance I might see you again?"

Bucky opened his eyes and smiled, but it was a sad smile that told Howard what was going to be said before he had to hear it. "I'm shipping off day after tomorrow sadly."

"Soldier then, I should've guessed."

"I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not," Bucky replied with a laugh. "Not everyone is a fan of the military."

"Don't worry, it was a compliment. Besides, I work for them-well! Work with them is really more the word. I supply them their toys."

"So you are _the_ Howard Stark. I was wondering about that when you told me your last name."

"Yes I'm Howard Stark. You know, you might actually see more of me."

"Well, I know I'm seeing you tomorrow."

"Of course, you're sleeping in my bed," replied Howard with a chuckle. "But I meant I might end up going over the sea as well. Something tells me that you didn't mean just waking up in bed though."

"No, I'm going to the Expo thing with a friend, last time I'll get to see him. I'm guessing you'll be there?"

Howard rolled his eyes, giving his answer as he smiled at James. Suddenly, as he looked at him, Howard had the urge to kiss him. He leaned in, his eyes half closed as he paused for a few seconds before finally moving forward. He couldn't help but smile at the fact that it seemed that he had caught Bucky off guard finally.

James had seemed like he had expected every move Howard had made but he was clearly surprised by this. However, after the initial shock, he did begin to move with Howard, slowly, letting his hand cup his cheek. When they stopped, James didn't fully pull away and kept his hand where it was.

"You make it very hard to follow orders," Bucky said.

"I can see the headlines now; 'Good soldier turned bad boy because of genius, billionaire, playboy, Stark.'"

"Hmm….I like it," replied James. He let his thumb slowly rub Howard's cheek as he then added, "I was being truthful though. I was all prepared to leave in two days time and then you walked in. I'd like to know what makes you so special though. Can you tell me that Howard? What makes you suddenly such an important part of my life?"

"I honestly don't know but would you believe me if I said I was in the same boat? There are very few people I automatically trust without any reason."

"Well then I guess I should count myself lucky as one of them," replied James with a soft smile. He then rolled over closing his eyes and it seemed that he would be going to sleep now.

Howard smiled also, happy but tinged with sadness on the edges. He closed his eyes, bent on sleeping now.

* * *

When Howard woke up, Bucky was kissing him soft and sweet, making Howard open his eyes when he was fully awake. Why did James have to a soldier? Why couldn't he just stay here? Granted, if this new project he was getting ready for the military worked then who knows where Howard might end up. He just wished things could stay the way they were, right here, right now.

But eventually, Bucky got up as he said he had to go.

Howard hoped prayed even, that he would get to see the soldier again, at least one last time. However, it was doubtful and unlikely. Still, instead of wallowing in bed, he got up and went and got ready for the Expo.

* * *

Bucky met up with Steve before the Expo that night. He was getting beat up again and had apparently tried to join the army _again._ As much as he usually supported Steve's decisions, he really wished he'd stop this.

However, he forgot about that and chose to have a good last night with his best friend before he was shipped out. When he met Steve, he of course brought two girls along, one for each. While both girls clung to Bucky though, he couldn't help but think about Howard.

And it of course didn't help when he saw the man himself. Bucky could tell Howard was in his element and how, even though the car did kind of break, he kept it in control. He doubted that the man saw him but Bucky couldn't help but smile up at him.

When Steve left to try and get into the army once more, Bucky sighed and turned back now defiantly stuck with both girls. He had promised to take them dancing and he wasn't going to let them down even if he really didn't feel like it right now.

However, fate seemed with him when he quite literally ran into Howard.

"Hello again," Bucky said with a slight smile as he saw the surprise on his face.

Howard quickly recovered himself and smiled, saying, "James, nice to see you again. And who are these two lovely ladies?"

One of the girls giggled as introductions were made, even though they both of course knew who Howard Stark was.

"It's a little hard to dance with three people. How about you join us Howard," Bucky suggested with a raised eyebrow. He would've been lying if he had said he was begging for Howard to join them.

Howard was a bit hesitant, there were things he had to do but Bucky was shipping off tomorrow. Just relaxing for one more night certainly wouldn't do to much harm. "I'd love to. Rebecca, would you care to accompany me?"

One of the girls, Rebecca, took Howard's arm and the group walked to the small club where Bucky had planned on taking the girls originally. It wasn't huge but it was clean and there was plenty of people dancing and drinking and laughing together. You could nearly forget there was a war going on.

Bucky and Howard switched girls every now and then when the song would switch. Bucky was enjoying himself but he wished that it could've been just him and Howard. However, he did get his wish afterwards. After taking the girls to a cab, Bucky turned to Howard with a questioning glance, one that the billionaire returned.

"So what were your plans for tonight?" Howard asked.

"Going home, that was about it now."

"Care to come over for a drink?"

"Sounds great."

And once again, Bucky was following Howard to his hotel suite. This time, Howard was a bit quicker and made the first move the moment the door was closed and they once again made towards the bed.

* * *

"Do you have to go James?" asked Howard for probably the tenth time that morning.

Bucky sighed, a smirk growing on his face. "Yeah. But hey, who knows, we could meet up again."

"Maybe."

This time when Bucky walked out that door, Howard was sure he'd never see him again.


	2. A Chance Accident

**AN: Okay, so I wrote this quicker than I thought I would. Thank you so much for the reviews and anyone who has favorited or followed this story. Always lovely to hear from people and what they think. I decided this will be three chapters so here's the second one. Enjoy**

* * *

Howard was of course sad when Bucky left but he didn't let that get him down. He threw himself into his work and when it all was completely success tasted that much sweeter. However, it seemed that nothing good could happen without something bad going along with it.

They were infiltrated and Dr. Erskine was killed. The man didn't get away but he did kill himself before anyone could question him. They had to move everything and soon, Howard was going overseas. Everything began to go okay again as far as the war and everything but Rogers, now known as Captain America to most, wasn't really living up to his potential.

Howard felt sorry for him, being pushed around like a puppet. Yes, he was one man, but one man can change the tide when put to proper use and what Rogers was going through certainly wasn't it. When Howard found out the plan to go and rescue the men from the Hydra base from Peggy, he was all for it.

If he had known James was one of those captured men, he still would've done the exact same thing, helping Rogers as best he could. He had known the night of the Expo James had mentioned a friend but he hadn't ever said him by name. Howard also had hung around Captain Rogers that much either so he hadn't ever heard him talking about Bucky.

Sadly, when Rogers brought all those men back, Howard wasn't able to witness it. However, he did want to eventually say congratulations to Rogers and see how he was. He still wouldn't consider themselves friends but they were at least acquaintances now.

When he had time, Howard asked someone where he could find Steve and the guy told him in the infirmary. The captain himself was fine; he was apparently visiting a friend that was being kept for overnight observation.

Howard walked into the hospital room, and had to stop in his tracks upon seeing who was in the bed. He blinked several times and tried to gather himself but it was nearly impossible. He just couldn't believe it. The fact that of all the people in the world, Roger's friend was Bucky was just unbelievable.

He had to resist the urge to just run over and kiss the man and now that he actually looked at James a small shutter shot through Howard. Considering all that James had gone through, he looked pretty good but that's only taking into account what he must've gone through.

He looked malnourished, being thinner than the last time Howard saw him, and there were dark bags under his eyes. He was bandaged up in several places and, though Howard couldn't tell for sure from this distance, his breathing seemed irregular.

Bucky himself seemed just as surprised by seeing Howard and couldn't help but stare for a very uncomfortable amount of time.

Though it didn't seem _that _long, it must've been for a more extended period of time than Howard thought because eventually Roger's began talking. "Do you two, um . . . know each other?" he finally asked, looking a bit uncomfortable in his position.

"Uh, yes!" Howard replied a bit to quickly, loudly and fast. "We met um . . ."

"Before I was shipped off," Bucky quickly put in when it was clear Howard wasn't sure about what to say. "I'm just . . . well we're both surprised to see each other, that's all."

"I can understand that," replied Steve. He then turned towards Howard and asked, "Was there something you wanted?"

"No I just wanted to congratulate you on your achievement. It truly was amazing what you did."

"Well, I couldn't have accomplished it if you hadn't been willing to fly now," Rogers replied with a small smile. "Hey, listen, we've been talking for forever Bucky and I probably need to get back to doing something so how about I give you two sometime to talk and catch up."

"Sounds good to me. Go do some work and if not that get a girl," Bucky said with a laugh as Steve smiled again and left. When it was just Howard and Bucky in the room then, silence quickly fell.

Finally, Howard was the first to speak as he said, "I'll be honest. I didn't even know you were here."

"Well, I didn't know you were here either. Who knows, maybe fate had a bit of help in everything."

"I don't believe in fate. Sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you get unlucky. You play your cards right and you'll get lucky more often," replied Howard.

Bucky smirked as he said, "Interesting idea. What do you believe in then? No god I bet. Yourself then?"

"Maybe just a bit," Howard responded as Bucky laughed. However, it was obvious that the laugh hurt his lungs some and it made the smile on Howard's face twitch downwards for a bit.

"Are you just going to stand on the other side of the room and look awkward or are you going to actually sit down?"

Howard hadn't even realized he was still standing. Jolting slightly, he moved forward and sat down beside Bucky and sighed. "You know, you look like shit James."

"Believe me I know. I feel like I went through hell and back."

"You've probably at least gone through the equivalent of it," replied Howard with a sigh. "How are you doing though? Really?"

"Better than before which is the truth," Bucky said. He then glanced towards the area where the security camera was and sighed. "I wish . . . well, you know what I'd prefer to be doing. Most people would rather being doing anything than sitting in a bed all day."

Howard understood the hidden meaning behind those words. "Well," he said, "maybe we can go out for a drink again like we did before. I'd certainly like that."

"Sounds good," replied Bucky.

* * *

It was painful waiting for Bucky to get out. Howard wished for the privacy of his room compared to the security of the hospital room. He wanted to kiss Bucky and gently caress his cheek whenever he was in pain. He wanted to hold his hand whenever he needed it.

But Howard couldn't do that. Not here anyway.

When Bucky finally did get out, he had two days to rest before going back into active duty. A good part of those days would be spent exercising probably and getting good and fit again but the nights were fully open.

It was hard though, sneaking Bucky into his quarters, but Howard eventually did it. However, when, he pulled the soldier through the door it wasn't like the first few times. Not at all.

Instead, after locking the door, Howard pulled Bucky forward and simply held onto him, taking several deep breaths as he took in the soldier's smell. He had promised himself he wouldn't cry but the tears were already pricking at his eyes. Howard hadn't realized until this very moment how much the thought of Bucky dying had scared him, even though he had found out James to be alive right from the beginning.

"Hey, I'm okay. I'm not going anywhere," said Bucky with a smile. "I mean it."

"I know," Howard replied and he mentally cursed himself at how his voice shook so much. "It's just . . . the very thought of you dying hurts. But it doesn't make any sense. This is only the third time I've met you."

"I haven't had much help understanding any of it either," added Bucky. "Seeing you again, it was a relief. Like a part of me had been missing and you filled it back up. As stupid and sappy as that sounds it's true though."

Howard laughed slight as he leaned for his first kiss that night. This time, it was a lot softer and had an almost sad feel to it like they both wanted each touch to really last now. The first two times had still had meaning, but they had been fun and silly. This was more careful, kind, and grateful.

Everything felt so much more real now and in front. James could die, now that Howard was with him again that thought was there. He didn't want to think of it but death was always a possibility.

* * *

The second night was much like the first one. Both Howard's and James' spirits were a bit more up and there was certainly more joking more that foreboding still lay there. The next day, Bucky was back being Rogers' right hand man and Howard was working on new weapons even more so.

The time in between missions for James was spent with Howard whenever they had a moment. It wasn't ideal but it was what they could get and they were going to take it.

One night before a mission, James lay in bed beside Howard. Bucky had his arms wrapped around Howard pulling him in tight and keeping him close and even safe in a way. At first Bucky had routinely kissed Howard's neck and face but both were eventually getting tired.

Howard began drifting off and was almost gone when he was suddenly wide awake again. His eyes were open and he had stiffened slightly. Bucky had said three words, just three little words, and Howard didn't know how to react.

"What did you say?" asked Howard, even though he had heard Bucky perfectly.

James replied, "I said I love you."

Hearing it for a second time took away the cold, scared feeling and replaced it with something so much warmer. The words made Howard smile and pull James in closer to him. "I love you to James," he replied, completely meaning it.

James smiled and then kissed Howard again before both fell asleep.

In the morning, right before James had to leave, Howard asked, "Do you remember what you said last night?"

Bucky actually laughed as he said, "You don't think I meant those words do you?"

"Well I wasn't exactly sure. You were a bit sleepy," replied Howard with a huff, not exactly happy that he had been laughed at.

"Then I guess I'll have to assure you," replied James. "I do love you. I know it hasn't really been that long but I do love you and I think I have since I first saw you. Now, was your reply, just lack of sleep or what?"

Howard had to stop and think back to last night but eventually he did say, "Yes, I love you as well."

Bucky smiled and said, "Good. One last kiss for good luck?"

"For you James? Always," replied Howard. He gave him a soft kiss and then Bucky left his room and was gone, off to finish another mission.

* * *

Howard was content with working and waiting for Bucky to return again. Sometimes it was only one or two days before he was back other times it could take as long two weeks. Nearly a week later was when Steve and his team came back.

The billionaire was just now finishing something so he got up and quickly went to go meet everyone. The smile on his face quickly fled though as he was Rogers' face. It was downcast, in pain, and the rest of the team seemed to mirror his look.

Except for one man. One man didn't mirror it because he wasn't among the group.

"Where . . . where's James?" Howard asked softly, already knowing the answer to his question.

The rest of the team looked down, not wanting to answer so Steve walked up to Howard. There were unshed tears in his eyes. "He . . . Bucky fell, off the train," Steve finally got out. "We lost him."

"Oh," Howard simply said. Even though he had put together what had happened, hearing it from Steve made it that much real. He was in shock, not really knowing what to say, what to do. Someone came over, Howard wasn't sure who, and said that maybe he should go to his room.

When Howard didn't respond, the man slowly guided him to his room. Howard let him, ice gripping his body and soul. The man said, "Just come back to work when you're ready," and left once Howard was inside his room.

Howard stood there, the door closed and the room empty. His lips trembled slightly and a tear began to fall from his eyes.

Those two things were like the key to a dam and suddenly, Howard was on his knees sobbing. He was silent though, except for the occasionally hiccup and gasp for air. He gripped at his chest as pain and hollowness spread through him. The possibility of James dying had always been there but after their last night together, dying had been the last thing Howard's mind and now it hit him straight in the face.

Bucky was gone, for good. There wasn't any second chance, any doubt. He was dead and Howard was alone again.

He was able to push himself up and land on the bed, tears still rolling down his face, his breathing uneven.

That night, he slept alone with a now permanent cold spot beside him. Howard gripped the sheets where a man should be and hugged the only thing of James he had, a once forgotten shirt. Howard had never loved before, and so therefore had never truly lost but he had lost something now.

Society would never have accepted it but that didn't mean Howard hadn't dreamed of a life after the war. He hadn't dreamed of time where they could be together, forever, and be happy. It broke him up inside more than it should now that those dreams were completely dead.

In the morning though, Howard didn't continue to wallow, he got up and went straight to work. He focused even more so, promising himself that he wouldn't let Bucky down. Howard would see this war finished.

* * *

After a while, Howard was able to suck it up. He still hurt inside but he was able to hide it and put on a smile for everyone. He actually became friends, _real _friends with Steve but right before everything was looking up, Rogers had to drive that damn plane into the water.

Howard searched for him, looked everywhere, but as time passed, the chances of actually finding him grew less and less. However, he kept searching, kept looking because there was actually a chance that he could find Steve.

Bucky was gone for sure but he could still try and help find Steve. However, whether he succeeded or not, he'd never forget him, either of them. Steve had become one of his best friends and Bucky, the man he loved and would forever love . . . well.

He'd always be in Howard's heart.


	3. A Chance Letter

**AN: The third and last chapter for this story. Once again, I got it out quicker than I was expecting. Thank you to all who've read this. I enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoy this.**

* * *

Bucky didn't have long enough to come up with some long monologue in his head like the ones you read in books. Bucky wasn't able to go over all of the things he'd miss or wouldn't be able to experience. There wasn't time for him to pull up one last, happy, image from his memory.

It was a long way down but the fall was lightning quick for Bucky. The only thing that was able to get through his head was the scream that ripped through his throat right before he hit rock bottom and then there was only the darkness.

Or, that's what should've happened anyway.

Instead, seeming like only seconds later for Bucky, his eyes flashed open in panic. The sudden light made him momentarily blind and he immediately tried to sit up only to find himself strapped down. A clear mask was over his mouth and nose, pumping whatever into Bucky's breathing system.

His sight began to clear at this point and he saw people running around him, passing notes and/or tools. One man, near him, lifted up his arm to show a long needle.

Bucky's heart was beating rapidly and out of beat. He was breathing so hard that it was truly amazing he hadn't passed out yet either. Clenching his hands into fists, he tried to break free of his bonds and was amazed when he actually heard something snap.

More people ran past his vision, some held guns and it was clear they were soldiers. However, Bucky didn't recognize their uniforms. They, along with the scientists and everything else in this place, looked like it had fallen out of some strange science fiction novel.

The people running around, the feeling of someone injecting something into his veins, the unknown area; it was all to much and Bucky was frightened. He was more scared than it should be possible.

Adrenaline began to pump through his veins and he tried to break free again. More snaps broke and his right hand became free. He ripped off the mask and then punched the nearest man as his left hand broke free. He bent forward, trying to get his feet free and knocking people aside as they tried to stop him.

Finally, Bucky was free and he pushed off the people around him and got onto his own two feet. He felt, _felt_, movement behind him and quickly ducked only for the scientist in front of him to drop dead from a bullet.

Bucky had always been good at detecting certain things. That's what made him so good especially on stake outs or when some sneaking was involved. But with all the commotion that was going on, all the noise, he shouldn't have been able to sense that bullet.

Suddenly, he moved to the side, grabbing a scientist and throwing him one way so that numerous people and equipment were knocked over. And now, he was surprised by his own strength but he didn't let that distract him.

Instead, he was able to knock out several more people before taking a gun from a soldier and at the people. Bucky didn't recognize the type of gun it was but that didn't matter. He could use and it worked just fine.

He ran, bursting through doorways and crashing into people and things as he tried to get out wherever he was. Bucky looked into several rooms but he couldn't find a way to the outside. Finally, he came upon a staircase that led upwards so Bucky decided to take his chances.

This new level seemed more like an office than some lab. Bucky didn't have to shoot; the people simply ducked or ran at the sight of him. Going as quickly as possible, he made as much distance as he could, running faster than he should, from where he had come from. Eventually, he grabbed a man and asked where he could get to the outside.

He didn't even have to threaten the guy. He just told him.

As Bucky began to run again, he looked down and saw that he was in a hospital gown. He had no idea where he was and just running outside with a gun in a hospital gown probably wouldn't go over to well. At the next chance, he made one guy give him his pants and another one a jacket after throwing the gown off.

Bucky was finally then within sight of the door that would lead him to the outside. He was in some type of city and, even though he didn't like it, he did throw the gun down and ran for it.

Into the streets and through the crowd of people he ran. The temperature was nearing freezing and yet, despite no shoes or shirt, Bucky didn't notice. He tried asking people where he was but most either walked away, looking at him like he was crazy, or spoke in some language that was completely unknown to him.

However, not everyone was rude and unhelpful and one man did seem to know a little bit of English. When asked where he was, the man replied, "Moscow, Russia."

Moscow, Russia? Bucky needed to get back to New York now. Maybe he could try and find Steve. That seemed like a good idea, until of course he really thought it through.

"What . . . what year is it?" Bucky finally asked, not even wanting to know the answer.

"How drunk are you?" asked the man with a laugh.

"Um, I had a hard night last night," Bucky tried and his answer seemed satisfactory enough.

"2012," the man replied and then, with the tip of his hat, left.

The idea that he wasn't in his own time had become pretty clear to Bucky in the beginning. However, hearing it from someone else made it that more terrifying. And of course, there was that small factor that everyone Bucky knew was now either dead or in a nursing home.

What was he going to do?

* * *

Four months later and Bucky was still full of questions and practically no answers. It had taken him two months until he'd finally had enough to get a plane ticket across the Atlantic and to New York again. Yes, it wasn't his time anymore but he would at least be in a place that spoke the same language.

Everything Bucky owned, everything Bucky ate, everything he slept on was stolen. He couldn't risk getting a job, at least not here. The people who he had woke up with were probably still searching for him even though he hadn't encountered them again.

Whatever they had done to him was one of the main reasons he hadn't been found out. The cold didn't bite as much and it took hotter temperatures before he really burned. Bucky was faster, lighter on his feet and stronger. Everything seemed better but it was this _better _that scared Bucky.

He wasn't really himself anymore.

However, he couldn't just go up to someone and try to figure out why. He'd get thrown into either a cage and become a lab rat or people would think him crazy and he'd be thrown into an insane asylum. There seemed to be no way out of this.

When Bucky reached New York, he couldn't help but smile despite how different it was. Yes, there seemed to be twice as many people and there were those weird moving boards everywhere but there were still things that remained the same.

Certain official landmarks were of course still there but there were smaller, more import items as well. Bucky's favorite pizza place was still where it had been the last time he had seen it. It was much more modern looking of course but when he asked he found out that the current owner was the son of the original one which did make Bucky smile.

At one point, Bucky was able to find where his old apartment had been. It had been remodeled and looked a lot nicer now but there were a few things that looked the same.

Bucky was able to find an apartment. It was cheap and crappy but he didn't really care. It gave him a place besides a park bench to rest his head. Now that he was in America again, he got a lowly job as a taxi driver. He learned quickly and once again found something new about himself.

He seemed to be able to grasp certain concepts so much more easily and seemed to be able to adapt to certain things quicker as well. It was useful but that didn't mean he liked it.

He was in New York for only a few weeks when he finally started hearing things about the so called superheroes known as the Avengers. However, Bucky didn't watch TV, didn't have one, and he never felt the need to buy a paper so he actually never came across their faces.

Bucky was a lowly cabdriver and that was it. Besides, he didn't really care about much else except when it came to trying to piece his past together.

However, one day he was walking downtown. Usually, he stayed more to the outskirts of the city but for whatever reason he decided to go more inward today. Everything seemed normal until the streets seemed to become more crowded than usual. Bucky frowned, trying to think of a reason for that.

People began to push and shove others out of the way and Bucky would've normally been able to keep his balance but there was just to many of them and eventually fell over. Bucky was about to push himself up when he felt a hand on his forearm. The man helped pull Bucky to his feet and he was about to say thank you when he froze.

No it, it couldn't be! However, he looked closer and realized it wasn't Howard Stark like he had thought it was.

The man looked very similar but now Bucky could see some clear differences. "Thank you," said Bucky briskly. Seeing this man unnerved him and he wanted to leave as soon as possible. Thoughts of Howard were rising up and he did not want to be caught crying in public.

He turned, quickly pushing through the crowd when he heard someone yell out, "Bucky!"

Bucky knew that voice but it couldn't possibly be him. But, who else would be able to know his name? He froze, not moving until a hand grabbed him and spun him around. He ended up coming face to face with Steve.

After believing everyone he had ever known to be dead, seeing Cap made a wave or relief and confusion wash over him as he collapsed to the ground.

* * *

When Bucky woke up, he was in an unknown room that looked extremely expensive. At first, puzzlement came over him until he remembered what exactly had happened. He jumped up rushing to the door and throwing it open.

He looked down both hallways and was beginning to wonder which way to go when a voice suddenly said, "I do believe you are looking for Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers in the living room sir. It is to your right."

"Who's there!?" yelled out Bucky, spinning around as he tried to figure out who had talked.

"Apologies, sir. I forgot you're not from this time. I am the artificial intelligence J.A.R.V.I.S. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Now, if you'd just turn to your right and keep going straight, you will meet up with Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers."

Bucky warily headed the way J.A.R.V.I.S. told him to go, deciding that if the thing wanted to hurt him it would've already done so. Carefully, he came out into what he guessed to be the living room to find Steve and the one that Bucky was guessing was related to Howard.

"Bucky! Are you sure you should be walking around already?" asked Steve upon seeing his friend.

As he looked at him, Bucky couldn't help but suddenly realize just how much he had missed seeing familiar faces. Instead answering Steve's question he instead said, "How can you . . . how can you be here?"

"Well, that's kind of a long story," replied Steve. "I was actually wondering how you came to be here as well."

"I don't know," replied Bucky. "I woke up in a lab in Moscow, Russia several months ago. I haven't been able to figure out anything else. Now, tell me what happened to you."

Steve sighed and gestured for Bucky to sit down. Bucky did so but made sure to sit farther away from Stark. He knew it wasn't Howard but seeing the similarities was hard for him. So, instead he concentrated on Steve as he explained everything. Steve's story was much more complete than Bucky's and after about an hour Bucky understood everything.

Stark had remained silent for this but when Steve was done talking he said, "Is your real name James?"

"Um, yes," Bucky said hesitantly. He didn't understand why the man was asking him this.

"Interesting," muttered Stark and then he stood up and went and grabbed something. "I've got something for you. Technically, I doubt he ever thought you'd actually get this but it's still yours."

"What is?"

"A letter from my dad to you. I found among his old memoirs one day. I've never opened but I did keep. I guess it only seems right giving it to you," Stark replied as he handed Bucky a now yellow, blank envelope. "You can read it now if you like and then we can go back and focus on how you got here."

"Oh, uh thank you then," Bucky said awkwardly as he looked down at the envelope. When he looked back up, he saw Steve and Stark leaving, giving him some privacy which he was grateful for.

He carefully opened it and took out the old letter. Bucky began to read:

_Dear James,_

_ You'll never actually get this. I know that but I feel like I should write it anyways. You see, I'm getting married today. She's nice and everything and I think you'd actually like her if you ever got the chance to meet her. But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of you at all._

_ Years have passed now and I still will grow silent at the mention of your name. God, who knew I could be such a romantic. They never found your body but you still have a grave which I frequently visit. It's simple which I think you'd like._

_ I know that nothing could've really happened between us James. I mean, we never could've gotten married and we never would've been able to tell anyone but I still wish I could've had a life with you. Your one of the reasons I keep on going really. If I just stop, I know you'd get mad at me. You'd want me to keep going, just like I would want you to keep living if our roles had been reversed._

_ I love you James. I really always love you and as much as that hurts me, I'm glad I have loved now. I don't believe in a god or an after really, you know that. But if there is one, I hope we meet there._

_ Forever your beloved,_

_ Howard_

Tears began to follow but Bucky quickly wiped them away before they fell on the old letter. He wouldn't let those tears tarnish the words.

* * *

Within the next week, Bucky met Nick Fury and the group called S.H.I.E.L.D. He was getting help now from that he figured he could trust sense Steve did. His resurrection was coming together and they were looking into who had brought him back.

Bucky also got acquainted with the rest of the Avengers and moved into Stark Tower. He had gotten a little more use to Tony but he still hated it when he did things that Howard would've clearly done.

However, none of this was important to Bucky. Not really. The most important thing that happened to Bucky that week was something he did on his own.

He found the graveyard where Howard was buried and went there, buying flowers before he got there. It didn't take him to long to find the grave and when he did, he froze. Next to it was his grave.

It's a curious thing, when someone sees their own tombstone. Some men would weep at the sight of it and others might tremble in fear. Bucky did neither for he was frozen, a coldness creeping into his heart.

_I should be there. I should be lying next to Howard, not standing above him,_ thought Bucky. It felt wrong, being the one to be alive after reading Howard's letter because now their roles were reversed.

Bucky bent down, placing the flowers on the grave and then glanced around, looking for Mrs. Stark's grave but she apparently hadn't been buried next to Howard. As cruel as it might be, Bucky was glad of this that she wasn't here.

He let his hands go over the engraving of Howard's name first and then his own. He looked at the dates of each one, and the small little words that said things like beloved friend.

What is written down and read in stone becomes permanent and unyielding just as the rock itself. James would meet Howard again in the afterlife. That was a promise.


End file.
